Weekly Cartoons
"Welcome to San Francisco. Here is your puffy jacket and bag of weed."
"Either my battery just died or I found the dark web."
"Your party was fun until it stopped being fun."
"Awe, he has our colors."
"Once upon a time, there was a President and every day he cried wall..."
"You always have the most delicious bugs."
"New year, new leaf."
"It's so horrible, yet so joyful."
"Yes. Now, get up before people start thinking you're unpatriotic."
"What did he tweet now?"
"Until now my workout program has been buying a new belt."
"So, you're saying it all started because I didn't know my father."
"Nine Hundred Ninty-Nine Oaks, Califorina."
"Do you want the one gallon or the five gallon soda size?"
"I thought we'd go to this bar where it’s impossible to get a drink and so loud you yell just to be heard."
"I'll be back in a minute to take your drink order."
"As you can see we have taken the 'open office' concept to the next level by removing all furniture."
"Mr. President, I don't care what Fox News says, there are no monsters under your bed."
"Are we there yet?"
Abstract Expressionist, Catson Pollock.
"I'm pleased to say you still have perfect 10/10 vision."
"The LED Ultra Unlimited 8k+HD screen is sharper and clearer than real life."
"Remember this is a Leave No Trace battle, so put the bodies in the compost and recycle the armor."
"He's definitely compensating for something."
"Next year can we go camping without the Gehry's?"
"There's a delivery for the Game of Thrones set."
"Ok, who farted?"
"Alfred! How many times do I have to tell you, dry clean only."
"Let me guess, you went skiing this weekend too."
"How many snowmen must melt before humans realize climate change is real?"
"We might be lost, hungry, and tired, but at least you had a Galaxy Note 7 to start the fire with."
"Honey, I'm going back to the office to paint myself into a corner."
"4C should know better. The condo rules specifically state no bones outside of caves"
"I may not be able to turn water into wine, but I can turn wine into pee."
"My gut tells me to go right but I’m dyslexic, so it could be left."
"...and by the power vested in me you may now update your Facebook relationship status."
"Your Apple Pay was declined and the bank told me to cut the phone in half."
"He was a wonderful person and one hell of a foot model."
"As you can see I’ve got experience selling things on eBay, so I’ll be a big help in liquidating the company assets after you’re bankrupt."
"If I don't get my 23 hours, I'm a complete wreck."
"I thought you said the Uber was here!"
"Do you have any idea how many of my friends have died because of Daylight Savings?"
"Can't you reset me to factory defaults?"
"And who said you could get your lip pierced?"
"It's not like I have nine arms."
"He was the pick of the literate."
Imprisoned Chinese Pianist, Steinway Way.
"We need to see your resident alien card."
"Be there shortly. I just got picked up."
